gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
