Got a toothbrush?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize