It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
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Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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