Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
