I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You pole danced in your parka.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
