i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
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