if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
