walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize