Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
