I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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