Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
