best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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