When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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