I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
