I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
