just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
