Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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