yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I wish my penis had an off switch
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
