Screwed.edu
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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