We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
