I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
