So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
