my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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