I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
