My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
