Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
