How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm passing your future prison.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Randomize
