Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
