I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
