i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
