i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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