butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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