sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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