You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
