i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
