my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
