I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
