Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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