i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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