You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
