This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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