I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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