this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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