my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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