I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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