Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
