Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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