Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
