How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
