Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize