U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
