dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
