i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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