Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
