After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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