just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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