The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
