Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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