I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He told me they were just razor bumps!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
