A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
