Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
if only i could text you this smell
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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