Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
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Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
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We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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